What Now!?

In the last 20 years of my  life, I’ve been totally focused on building my career. Not just working, but really sacrificing everything to learn, advance, improve my skills, and get recognition. After 6 years of being an employee, I quit the stability of “jobs” and embarked on an entrepreneurial adventure that proved to be excruciatingly painful, but oh so satisfying, which allowed me to  succeed in building my small business.

I did the 7am to 9pm at the office regularly, skipped lunch, worked on weekends, brought work home with me daily,  and I was so happy and proud to do it. In my mind, working that hard was an honor. It represented success. To have the opportunity to work long hours doing what I love to do was a privilege that I never questioned. I was living my Dream!
During the 14 years I was an entrepreneur, everyone around me was trying to talk me out of the harsh environment I was putting myself through. I couldn’t understand why they thought it was harsh! It was difficult at times, and painful, but it gave me so much pleasure and self satisfaction, I couldn’t see my life going on without that drive and all that adrenaline. My days were so colorful, all the hustle and bustle was music to my ears. I always wanted More!

Then suddenly, six months ago, all the colorful rainbows turned into shades of grey (and not the sexy one!), and all the music turned into unbearable scratching noise. I started having panic attacks and was so disappointed to let panic get the best of me! After all, I was a Strong Career Woman, that managed to live through so many ups and downs, so why panic now? So the industry I belonged to was in the gutter, many bigger and stronger companies than mine were closing, bankrupting, restructuring, but my business was small, and very manageable in tough times. I could always get creative, find new ways, innovate and keep growing. My product was well appreciated by my clients and so was my rapport with them. There was One major problem though: My Heart was not in it anymore!

To say I was disappointed in myself was an understatement. How can I lose interest after getting to where I wanted to get for as long as I remembered!!! I used to envision myself the head of a similar business since I was 8 years old. Now that I am living this vision, I have no interest of pursuing it! Why, How, What? A therapist would have a multiple responses in analyzing my state, and a good therapist would also help me get passed it and carry on my functions. BUT that’s not what I wanted! ALL I wanted was to STOP! Get off that hamster wheel, and look around to see what else exists around me! What is life besides following your Dream and working only on achieving it? What else could be done to live another way of life? Does another way of life exist? If so, will I enjoy living it? Can I grow in a different way then growing as a Career Woman?

All these questions were suddenly flooding my brain. Questions that I never, and I repeat NEVER, thought of beforehand. Naturally, I  became more and more curious about discovering how it would feel to be taken out of my element, to discover a new way of survival in a non busy business atmosphere. And so I put my business on hold on December 10th 2016…

All my life, I thought that my path was becoming a Business Woman, that was my Only Goal in life.  Now I find myself standing outside the hamster wheel, a fish outside the water. SO WHAT NOW?



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