It’s been six months since I moved out of my office, put my business on hold and started my Sabbatical year. It was a much needed time off that was critical to my mental, emotional, and physical well being. Now that half of my time off has already been spent, i realize, all the more, how necessary it was for me to make a halt to my past lifestyle, and recover in total inactivity.
At first, i struggled to find the point of existing in placidity. I kept feeling uncomfortable, judging myself as lazy, non productive and passive. But then slowly, day after day, month after month, i started to feel the blanket of peacefulness cover inch after inch of my mental and physical being. The blanket of spring sun rays, slowly warming up a thick bloc of winter ice, making it thaw, one drop at a time, dispersing the water in the thirsty earth, after a long dark winter. Coincidentally, my inner spring was occurring at the same time as the seasonal conditions. It reassured me that my state was a natural process of human development. We too go through seasonal changes. We too pass by periods of darkness that are crucial to our inner revival and renewal.
At times, the thought of renewal got me excited. It signaled a new beginning, new seeds will sprout, new projects will bloom, new lifestyle will thrive.
That excitement wasn’t always constant. Agitated sentiments often aroused throughout the process, making me reprimand my stillness and inaction. Fortunately, my close entourage of caring individuals were constantly reminding me that I need to persist into the stillness and not be tempted to prematurely pursue action. So I lay still in my period of idleness.
That process was in slow evolution for six months.
Today, as I sit in my backyard, and contemplate my vegetable garden, I understand that for the past six months, the ice blocs of the past two decades of my life were thawing. It was a difficult and painful progression. They have somewhat melted. They dripped into a garden that was not fully cleansed and created the process of germination. I will get a germination of new seeds mix made up of good plants and bad weeds. My task moving forward is to seek clarity in order to decide which of those sprouts I want to keep and which I want to discard. This assignment will be as challenging as the previous one. I will live it a day at a time. I will learn to enjoy it even at its most challenging moments. I will keep moving forward into what i hope will be an evolution of my inner self and overall being.